Drifting along in life...

Four weeks and some hours until the wedding. I wasn't sure this would actually happen, but it seems to be coming together. I wish I wasn't so tired so I could enjoy this time, but I am f-ing exhausted. I am taking a new medication to cover for the exhaustion, but more and more, I am realizing, I am barely functional. Today, I left work after a really hard week and 20+ partner nominations in one day, I noticed for the first time the new Nintendo building that was sprouting up beyond the half-court/basketball hoop area. Its at least 3 stories high, all the iron work for the new offices... I guess I remember the crane being there, but wow, that thing just appeared like magic.

My second WTF observation was the missing building by the thrift store. I cant even say I remember a building being there in all honesty... it just seems emptier than it was. I think there was something there. Maybe? I mean, I have driven on that road every day I am going home and demolition didnt happen overnight...

I have had a really tough week. I havent found the energy to make myself breakfast or lunch to take to work, I havent slept well, my work week sucked... I could barely drag myself through classes and I dont know how I am going to survive this quarter and the 6 more after this one... And I miss my fiance. I havent cooked for him or seen much of him lately. I am lonely. I miss spending time with my friends, I wonder what kind of horrible friend I am for not seeing them in ages.

I am worried that I will not be able to sleep any better than I am. Even if I didnt have to go to school for 16-20 hours a week, if I get a career, it will want 50-60 hours a week, so I won't be able to have a life after I get done with school. What if I am never able to sleep any better? I couldn't be a mom like this. I'd be a terrible mother with as tired as I am. I dont even take good enough care of my fiance, my dogs or my home... I honestly don't think I am going to get better. I don't think I could be mother if I wasn't better. Because let's face it: I need a mother to take care of me, because I am definitely not well enough to take care of myself.

Sad, lonely blog never gets updated...

I guess its been darn near forever since I have updated this... so here goes: Finished my second quarter at UWB. This one was harder than the last one, I didnt expect it to be easier, but wow. I start back again with E-Marketing and Finance next Tuesday, and I keep telling myself 2 down, 9 to go (quarters that is...)
I have my wedding dress, my invitations and everyone on my side of the family has made travel arrangements, except my dad, who I am not sure will come. This is sad for me, but its not unexpected, he has to do his own thing. I am getting healthier, with the help of medications and doctors... I am hoping that month by month, I will get healthier and healthier until ta-da, I am normal. Unfortunately, I have no idea what normal is or how to know that I am "normal".
My job is going well, I like it still... I like my team, I like my program manager, I like what I am doing for the most part... I still want to finish school and get the heck out of the dialing business. I guess this is the issue: I have been in the business of executing for so long, I want to get into the business of orchestrating, creating, developing now. I want to delegate to people who will do the executing!
I am excited that race season has started. Chuckanut 50K happened this weekend and Michael ran exceptionally well. I was very proud of him. I am always proud of him. I am happy to see the other runner people and I am excited that Michael's hard work is paying off so far.

Long time, no post!

Well, I have finished school for the quarter and it kicked my butt. I didnt start Christmas shopping until a few weeks ago, then I got inundated inquiries about the wedding. I know I should have been working harder on the wedding planning, but life happens! Michael's injury is healing well, but it was so stressful to have all of this going on at once!

We have picked the location, we are hammering out details - like the time, caterer, etc. Jace's birthday is coming up in just a few days, so we have a birthday party for him and also a birthday dinner for Michael (big old 25!) Jenni, Laurel and I are going to the Bridal Expo in Seattle in January. Michael is also doing a 50K "fitness test" on January 10th. I still love the concept of a 50K fitness test...

So now, the wedding is set for 5-16-09 and I need to get around to finding a dress... The fun never ends.

No adventure for you, not yours!

Its probably better that we scratch the plans for an adventure on short notice... I think its probably best that my sinuses heal up from this sinus infection and that I get some R&R with Michael. With Michael in school too, I miss him more and I spend a lot of time aimlessly surfing the net and doing homework for classes next week (yes, I am ahead, if you can believe that!)

I am starting to think about Christmas (this year will require more saving and frugalness because we are both in school!) Right now, it sounds like Zach will deploy and hopefully he will afford a plane ticket for Mom to Seattle if she cant afford it herself. I guess I could work miracles and keep bonusing at work so that I can fly her here too. Or I could just hide under a rock and pretend like it doesnt matter. I miss having my family here.

I am enjoying school and I find it somewhat challenging and equally rewarding. I am also looking forward to the end of the quarter, already. I am just so ready to be done working on my degree. I know I am going to be much more marketable and hopefully can get a few more $$ and maybe a new car of my choosing... I would really like to redo the kitchen.

Still no new info on the wedding, I keep meaning to do something about that but Jenni is heading to Makati on Sunday for two weeks, then its Aaliya's birthday, then Thanksgiving is coming and then finals, Jace and Michael and Anna's birthdays and Christmas, then school starts again and then Ryan and my birthdays, pretty soon May 16th will come and go. I am having elopement thoughts again because I dont have the desire to dress shop, scout locations, talk to caterers and deal with any family issues and no one but me seems to care about a wedding, so why bother? (I think Laurel cares too, she at least hears me when I talk about it...)

Sick before School Starts!

I am home on the couch for the second day in a row. I started to feel like crap last Tuesday, but I was in a training class with Jenni and I couldnt bum out of it. I stuck it out for all 2.5 days (Wed-Fri) and I even found the energy to go to the Cross Country meet to watch Michael race. Finally, yesterday, I went to the doctor and was running a 100.2 fever after taking two Tylenol almost 2 hours earlier. I have a sinus infection, I am on antibiotics and I am coughing a lung out. Senna and Louie have been loving and have taken good care of me.

I start school at UWB tomorrow... I have class at 3:30 tomorrow until 8pm. I have Managerial Economics and Management of Organizations and I am excited and nervous and a little overwhelmed because I havent slept well in over a week from this sinus infection and I have a lot of work to catch up on tomorrow when I return to work. I am totally mentally out of it and I am really exhausted still. Fingers crossed that I am OK tomorrow.

Michael is also starting school tonight! He will have class Tues-Thurs, while I will have class Mon & Wed. Such is life, we'll miss each other, but at least puppy bears wont be alone as much as if we were both going to school Mon and Wed or Tues and Thurs.

SCHOOL UPDATE!!

Oh yes, school update time! Job has kept me occupied, so this is a lot of information!

I received an A- in Marathon Math class, so very pleased with myself, I did it without crying or screaming or tequila.

I received word through my email that I was accepted to UWB and that their records showed I had not paid my $100 enrollment fee. Congratulations, you owe us money! So I had to get into orientation, prove that I am not a dirty carrier of Measles (Thank you Minneapolis Public Schools for having those records, lifesavers, thats what you are!) and I am not registered for classes!

I am so very excited and relieved and anxious at the same time. I need to figure out how to keep on taking care of everything around the homestead, the Michael, the Louie (the Senna is my PIC - Partner in Crime - so she will probably just take care of me!) I have already sought advice on the preparing of meals on Sundays and not cooking during the week too much because I am just not sure how much time and dedication I will need for these two classes. If I need the same dedication as Marathon Math class, then I might just prepare a month of dinners on one Sunday! Jeebus, Bobby and Cindy, I hope its not like that class!

I am really excited about the challenge and I am up to it now. I am ready to finished my BA, get on with my life and really launch a great career. Plus, this school is so small, so appropriate for me and my style and I think I am in the right place to pursue this.

Next up, BBQ on Labor Day, Cle Elum Ridge 50K for Mikey in two weeks and yay, Chandler and Allen are running there too. Lots of fun. Chris's mom will be in town next week... I love other people's moms. Then on September 24th, SCHOOL! I havent gotten my Huskies sweatshirt or flag for my desk (must rival Greg) but I am getting there... I have to pace myself! Michael's brother also wants to go to Apple Cup, I might not be ready for that much Husky Pride... Erin might be the person for that job!

Got the New Job!

So it was my goal to find a job that didnt could get me moving on the cold and rainy days, that could entice me out of puppy snuggling mornings and get me to work. At first, it was like, well if I am going to go to school and take on this new challenge, I probably should keep everything the same until I figure out how that is all working. Then I got excited about a new opportunity at my current employer, working with the same client company, but everything else would be different. Now thats a change I could comfortably make with the school changes and other life changes I am trying to make. I took the leap without much thought or anxiety. I know that I am leaving my old position in capable hands, I will still take my other expertise with me and be able to use it, but I will also get to learn and grow. Stimulating and still flexible! Just like I wanted!

Still no word on school, but I did finish that marathon math class I took this summer, waiting on the grade... fingers crossed!

University of WA - Bothell

So, its time. I have finished my application and I am waiting to find out if I will be accepted into the University of Washington - Bothell. I am taking my last pre-req at Bellevue Community College and I am trying my hardest to keep my momentum. I cant say for sure if the new medical stuff will work or if I just dont care if it doesnt! I am fighting my butt off to go forward with life so that I can do something to care for me and my life rather than function at the barely functional level of half dead I feel like I have been.

Mike's brother and Sister in Law, Ryan and Laurel (with Baby Jace), will be in WA permanently in a few weeks and I am supposed to be planning my wedding. Its not my time to lay down and die, I am going to keep up my fight. Come hell or high water I am going to finish school.

My reason for finishing school is Mikey. I want nothing more than to finish school, get a better, higher paying job so that Mike can get on with school, take care of himself, run and not worry so much about balancing all of his pressing priorities. I want set an example for Jace, my brother, my [future] children, whoever else wonders how you can fight through chronic illness to make something better out of your life.

I am really tired today but I am tired of being tired, I am ready for something else other than dog tired...